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DMN's Apartment.
January 2010
 
 
 
 
 
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Sun, Jan. 3rd, 2010 09:44 am
Let's see how I did:



1. Continue what I have been doing. I'm turning into the person I've wanted to be. I'm more compassionate, mature, and curious than I have ever been, and I notice the people I have around me love and appreciate that. There are still demons in the back of my head, and they are always gonna be there to keep me in check. If I let those thoughts creep closer to my consciense I will get the shit scared out of me, like I have the past few days.

10 out of the 12 months of the year, this was a success. Sadly the two months I failed on this were the first two, and it nearly ruined me. I would say though, those two months made the next 10 all that simpler.

2. Cut down on sodas. I'm not allowing myself more than 12 a week. Yes, this means no more than a 12-pack a week.

Neutral. I've definitely been drinking less soda, but I am definitely drinking more non soda products.

3. Not smoking cigarettes. At all. I used to partake of one every once in a while, and I feel gross now when I do. So no fucking more.

Fail. I smoked a few this year.

4. Keep all the expected drama that comes with running a con away like I have been.

I would say I have succeeded on this. There were spats of shit, but those spats have all been resolved, if not in less that 48 hours.

5. Get the fuck out of Nintendo for more than 3 months, or get a permanent job there (LOLRSHEOFJHOEJHF)

I did get the fuck out, but not on my terms.

6. Get a girlfriend / be more confident with the womens:

Got one, didn't work out, but if MEWcon is any indication of how my confidence has grown.....

7. Take better care of myself

I have, my knee has been better, and I am getting my back taken care of.



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Fri, Dec. 18th, 2009 12:20 pm

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Mon, Nov. 23rd, 2009 09:38 am
So Crystal and I broke up on Thursday.

I didn't want to do it, but with the arguing occurring daily, and about the same stuff, it was time to hang it up. Afterwards, she went to White Pass for the weekend to blow off some steam.

I spent the majority of my weekend at my parents' place, trying to interact with people, be happy, and think, as otherwise I would have been home alone all weekend and miserable and emo-Bressler of earlier this year.

I got to their place, had fun with my brother and eating my mom's delicious food. I introduced Jarod to the NES and SNES. He thinks SMB3 is amazing, heh.

I knew I had to to head home eventually and deal with living with Crystal sans relationship, and I decided I was still going to be a good person to her no matter what.

Apparently that is backfiring. I thanked her for cleaning the bathroom before I got home, and she got irritated about that. She started crying, and asked her what was wrong and that ended up in her lashing out at me even more. I'm still going to be a friend to her, and be rational as I can about the situation, despite all of this now convincing me I made the right decision, regardless if I feel terrible about initially making it.

I'm going to tough it out the next few days, enjoy thanksgiving with my family this weekend, and try to do things that keep me out of the house, so I don't spiral into depression again.

Tags: , , ,
Current Location: United States, Seattle
Current Mood: confused confused
Current Music: Everyone Says Hi (Metro Mix) - David Bowie

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Fri, Oct. 16th, 2009 09:33 pm
dmnsux0rz's Halloween party: long list lolCollapse )


Throw your own party at the Hallomeme!
Created by sigma7: More info here.

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Mon, Apr. 20th, 2009 07:38 pm
 Well, I've gotten my first taste of haters.

I've pissed off the cosplayers, which I admit Cosplay was probably the thing I was least eduacted about, so I had it coming. I was directed to a post about someone straight up talking shit about me. Most of it bounced off me, but what was disheartening was someone supporting this destructive criticsm making comments about me of whom I thought was a friend. That's what kind of stung. I've always had an open door policy of criticsm, and if they had thier beef, they should have told me, yeah it'd hurt, but it would be something I appreciate. Not all (fuck, not even some) honesty is meant to be good, but it helps people drive them to better themselves. 

Kind of odd that this has been the only crap that's brought me even a little down in the past two weeks. I mean, con was awesome, I love my job, and we moved offices, and they are awesome. Oh, I has a girlfriend too! She's rad :D

Speaking of which, we need to determine what we want for dinners. Later!

Current Music: On A Day Like Today - ITG

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Tue, Apr. 14th, 2009 12:29 pm
Epic Post GO!

My con started Wednesday with checking into a hotel that was epic, getting some con things ready to go, eating foods with some of the other execs, and sleeping.

Thursday is where the fun really began and I got to see my work and leadership. Most of the rooms were up by about noon, and walking through them with some of my managers was amazing. Seeing awe and yay in one my managers after showing her one of her panel rooms (6E), I could tell many awesome things were going to happen this weekend. The gaming rooms got up quickly, Main stage was breathtaking, and everything was just amazing for the most part. Got autographs from our guests, including a copy of DDR SN signed by smile.dk (insert fanboy squeeeeeeee here). I skipped out on foods with industry guests to run the all-staff meeting, and to make sure we were okay on the con front, despite people telling me to treat myself. Went to bed with a tinge of the nerves, but mostly otherwise stoked.

Friday - I was on TV. :D I was up at 4am to do so D: I've been a staffer for five years now, and I FINALLY got to see an opening ceremonies. It was awesome. There was still a scent of awesome in the air, and before I knew it, minus one snap out at a manager of mine, everything was going well. I was worried though, since I was sitting in 201 most of the time, so I though I was not doing my job. I soon learned that the more I was sitting in 201, the better a job I was doing, since there were not fires for me to put out. Did my Press your Luck panel, which was a ton of fun. 4 games, all ended in epic fashion. Felt bad during the charity game someone whammied with $65k, but that's how the game is played. Walked smile.dk to their concert, got to be in the rally circle of awesome next to Veronica (:DDDDDDDD), and saw the first 30 minutes of their show before I decided it was time to go sleep.

I got to my room, showered, plopped in bed, regaled stories with the justins, and was about to close my eyes when my nextel went off: "Bressler, we have a meltdown in main stage, come to 201 asap". Some shit had gone down, and people were pissed. Needless to say, a few of the execs had to discuss a few things, and we got the issue resolved. I also did one of the most assertive things in my life: one of the execs raised her voice at me very early in the discussion, and I said straight up: "If you are going to raise your voice at me when we are solving a problem, I am not going to listen to you." That set the ball rolling to get shit resolved, and we did it. Then I went to bed.

Saturday - Got up, ate breakfast, got cosplay and smile.dk's sound check done, cosplay started on time and ended early (since one of the judges is made of suck jkjkjk <3). Apparently cosplay NEVER ends early. Also did a lot of walking around and kind of observed my domain a bit, everybody was happy and having fun. I'd never seen that before. I missed the RB finals, apparently the finals were determined by only 6-7k points. Damn. The team that won found out their prize (playing a song on the main stage at closing ceremonies) and I have never seen eyes light up with such joy before. Kind of stalled around and put out a chemical fire, and prepared to do USL, but some dumbass forgot his headset, so that was fail. I did crash another panle however and that was fun times. Had to put out a communication fire before I went to go be giddy at smile.dk concert #2, and holy fuck was it awesome. My inner DDR fanboy was pretty much like omgomgomgomgnintendosixtyfour. I then went to bed, hooray sleeping!

Sunday - went by fairly quickly, and most of my time was spent unwinding in silly mode. Set up for closing, and the RB winners saw where they were playing and were a little giddy. Closing went well, and was told by the same exec who I told to not raise my voice that I impressed her with all my work. I also thanked my managers and got a little teary-eyed (this time for the right reason). This was one of the most challenging things that I have ever undertaken, and it went off without any major failures. For the first time in my life, I had a sense of pride for working on something so hard. It is undoubtedly one of the best feelings in the world.

I was told by the chair that I had grown up a lot and impressed the other execs. I agree. My efforts into the con have made me grow in ways I never expected. I've gained some great friends from it, and would not trade them for anything. I was told the other execs were worried about how well I would do. It's good to know I proved them differently, and not wrong. I say this because I am sure they wanted me to succeed, and were worried I would do something to epically fail that.

Most of the planning this year was awesome, and I have 127 people under me who put that planning to fruition. Those who read this and work with me know who they are. Those not on my staff and who pushed me to succeed, thank you. For those who pushed me harder to succeed when I was on the verge of giving up, you know who you are, and you are invaluable. Thanks would not even begin my gratefulness.

Now, I go into year two and I think I have nowhere to go but up. You fuckers ready to dance again? <3

Tags: , ,
Current Location: Microsoft, Millenium D
Current Music: Hybrid - Finsihed Symphony

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Sat, Mar. 21st, 2009 11:31 am

 This has been one of those weeks where i don't know what the fuck happened.

I'm still on the job hunt, but with a lot less pressure on me to find a job, since I have one I can ease (read: OMG GO GO GO) into after Sakuracon. Two interviews this week, we'll see what happens there.

Went to Gameworks this week and had the choice of  "play DDR and have most of the people who have been there for me the past 3 months beat the shit out of me, even though  I <3 teh didder" or "Fuck you DDR, I'm playing Popn and Drum Mania instead". I went with Drumming and hitting 9 buttons. Mostly kicked it playing MvC2 and Initial D, along with some good ol Mr. Driller. 

So con is in 20 days. We did the walkthrough of the fourth and sixth floors on Sunday and that got me even more excited for con. I've busted my ass this year, a lot more than I thought I would. I've had a lot of people come out from the woodwork and support me amazingly, even through the tough shit. I'm not nervous at all right now, as I'm excitied to see the work I've done come to fruition, as well as the work of my dear friends both aside and underneath me.

What I've been really happy about is not being at home so goddamned much. I've been out of the house 5 out of the past 7 days for at least a couple hours.

I'm glad spring is here. I hope to be in full shape by the end of May so I can play me some softball and football :D

Anyways, I need to shower; I have to go take over Best Buy.

Tags: , ,

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Sun, Mar. 15th, 2009 10:19 pm
Today was one of those days that cemented the fact that I have snapped out of this horrible depression.

Yay me!

Time to go roundhouse kick some zombies in the face. bbl....

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Tue, Mar. 10th, 2009 08:27 pm
 All that said in my last post, the thing bugging me a ton is the fact if that I am really a good a friend as I claim...

At least that thought is there and not doing any damage. That's the bright side of it.

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Sun, Mar. 8th, 2009 08:25 am

 ..."The problem you have is not you having a big heart, it's the fact your brain is a motherfucking supercharged V12 and you have a fucking lead foot."

This is sadly, the most true thing someone's said about me.

These past 14 days since my major meltdown at a friend's party have made me think a lot about myself.

One: I really am starting to realize that deep down, I'd rather not be emotional towards anyone, rather than care or be emotionally invested in someone. I think this is in large part due to my past couple relationships, and the fact that any time I seem to get emotionally invested in someone, it tends to just not happen, or it blows up in my face. This also is stemming from the fact people just can't seem to take compliments. It is one of the most incredibly frustrating things in the world when you pay someone a compliment and they react as it's some sort of ploy on your part, or they think you simply do not mean it. People should know me as a person who means what they say. Thankfully, a lot of my emotional investments have come towards running con, which give me little effort to invest any emotions in people, but being caring or emotionally invested is something I fear. Like bees and needles fear.

The other thing from this is he fact I care. A lot. I was about to sever a friendship with a very good friend of mine this past week. She was having issues with her ex, and I went and made sure she was okay. Apparently giving a shit is something I'm just not allowed to when she's pissed off. I pretty much told her then and there that I'm going to make sure she's okay and lending an ear, and if giving a shit about people I care a lot about is a problem, then maybe I should just stop caring altogether. That struck a nerve with her, obviously, and went off on me more. We're cool now, but that particular experience is going to stay with me.

Two: Thank whatever, but all that lying on my ass with ice on my knee, all the icyhot, all the not being strenuous is finally paying off (despite the fact I got pissed and chucked my cane and was without one for almost 24 hours), I've gone 6 days now with my knee being a 3 or less on the pain scale. If this keeps up, I had wanted to do Sakuracon without my cane. As some friends so bluntly put it last night, of all the things in the world, my symbol of strength during con is going to be that cane. If I am in good health, everyone around me will have one less thing to be stressed/worried about.

I may try some simple exercises without my cane to strengthen my knee, since I would like to be active again, and I owe teaching the game of football to a dear friend. I'm hoping after con is over I can be near full strength, but I still could very well take it easy for a month or two after that.

Three: I am back to bouncy happy Bressler again or the most part, I feel a little hardened by this roller coaster I've been on, but otherwise like I was before this depression kicked in. I think a lot of my friends see me in a different light given the shit I have been through emotionally these past few weeks, and I think in some cases I've looked like a shitty friend the past few weeks, if you are reading this and that's the case, I'm sorry.

I still haven't given up on anyone or anything, I hope you haven't given up on me during this time, and that's all that matters.

Tags: , , ,
Current Location: 98117
Current Mood: curious curious
Current Music: Incubus - Stellar

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Tue, Mar. 3rd, 2009 06:56 pm

 My 360 redringed. 33% failure rate ftw.

*sigh*

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Sun, Mar. 1st, 2009 08:05 pm
 HOSHIT

150 kills in 10 minutes on perfect dark.

I have never done that before.

Current Location: 98117
Current Mood: shocked TRIUMPHANT
Current Music: Perfect Dark - End Credits

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Sat, Feb. 28th, 2009 02:36 pm

Someone remind me what I'm trying to acheive?

First, my knee. This has been, without a doubt, the single most frustrating thing that has ever happened to me. It got me out of work, it's made me unable to physicaly vent (going out and playing DDR, throwing the tennis bal against the wall, etc.), it's broken me down to tears. Becuase of my knee, I'm not anywhere near who I want to be. It's brought me down to such a horrible level I'm confused as to what I even want anymore. I got to such a low level I chucked my old wooden cane last weekend and said 'fuck this, i need to be strong for myself and not have crutches like this bringing me down'. I've since gotten a new cane, but yeah, I still feel that way.

What's not been helping is the fact that Nick spends all of his time with his girlfriend. This means, aside from going out to interviews and the occasional Sakura meeting, and like 1 party, I've been home. Alone. being broke and bored out of my skull. I'm really starting to lose my mind and really start to think that nobody wants to hang out with a cripple, because all I have been is depressed since this whole ordeal got worse back in January.

Oh, that's another thing. The unemployment bit. I am zero for 102. Of those 102, I got a total of four interviews. FOUR. Everyone I've worked with says I am so god damned good at what I do, yet, 4% of those people bother interviewing me, and none of those four bothered to call and say no. I HAD TO CALL THEM. I have interview 5 Monday in Renton. I'm debating whether to go caneless so I don't look weak. I swear people think the cane makes me look like a retard or something.

Ah, Sakuracon. Nothing's been going right there either. And anytime I offer up a solution, it seems to get shot to hell. People are all like "You're doing such a great job!" Show me.

That's the other thing about being alone. People try to offer up hanging out and then bail, leaving me feeling even more like shit. Did I do something wrong? I try to be as good as I can right now despite this horrible depression, but being abandonded like that just makes me feel like I did something wrong, and I hate that feeling. It's like people stopped caring all of a sudden.

I've not had one thing go right for me since January 21st. I even had better luck in the good things happening department when I was homeless., shit, I got a GIRLFRIEND and a JOB while I was homeless.

I don't start drinking at 2pm normally, but shit, it sounds like a good idea.

Current Location: 98117
Current Music: VNV Nation - Fearless (haha, that's ironic)

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Wed, Feb. 25th, 2009 10:14 pm
 You ever get that feeling where you have a ton of shit to say, and no way to put it together, and not know what the result could be from said utterances?

It's been bugging me all day, and I fucking hate it.

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Tue, Feb. 24th, 2009 11:49 pm
 I'm not religious but what the hell:

I'm giving up giving up for lent.

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Sun, Feb. 22nd, 2009 10:53 pm
 So I never thought I would say this, but there are two songs of VNV Nation's Future Perfect album that use the most horribly cheesy sequences you can use in electronic music, but they sound AMAZING. That fucking boggles my mind.

EDIT: If all 4 of you who still use LJ have any electronic music recommendations, I am down for some new stuff.

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Sat, Feb. 14th, 2009 11:08 pm
 Lesson learned: Sometimes your joking can SEVERELY fuck someone else's psyche.

Makes me feel like an ACTUAL jerk, as opposed to the one I play on TV.

Current Location: 98117
Current Mood: gloomy gloomy
Current Music: Country Feedback - REM

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Thu, Feb. 5th, 2009 10:38 pm
It took nearly 10 months.

Con meltdown #1, 9:55 PM, Thurday 2/5

I should say 1/2, real-life stuff attributed to it.

 

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Sun, Feb. 1st, 2009 12:06 pm
I've always appreciated how one person's mere presence can make seven days worth of horseshit irrelevant.

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Sat, Jan. 24th, 2009 04:18 pm
Who knew physical pain could make me slowly lose it.

I've been out of the house part of friday and part of thursday, but for the most part, on the couch feeling like a useless piece of crap. woot.

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Mon, Dec. 29th, 2008 07:30 am
Today we look ahead on what I intend to do with myself for 2009:

1. Continue what I have been doing. I'm turning into the person I've wanted to be. I'm more compassionate, mature, and curious than I have ever been, and I notice the people I have around me love and appreciate that. There are still demons in the back of my head, and they are always gonna be there to keep me in check. If I let those thoughts creep closer to my consciense I will get the shit scared out of me, like I have the past few days.

2. Cut down on sodas. I'm not allowing myself more than 12 a week. Yes, this means no more than a 12-pack a week.

3. Not smoking cigarettes. At all. I used to partake of one every once in a while, and I feel gross now when I do. So no fucking more.

4. Keep all the expected drama that comes with running a con away like I have been.

5. Get the fuck out of Nintendo for more than 3 months, or get a permanent job there (LOLRSHEOFJHOEJHF)

6. (secret achievment) - If this happens, I'll announce it.

7. (secret achievment) - If this happens, I'll announce it.

Tuesday, we look back at my 2008.

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Wed, Dec. 17th, 2008 06:15 pm

I think that funk a while back was just that, and now I'm back to just bettering myself again.

If any of you know me worth a damn, you know one thing about me, I enjoy the spontaneous. I've never really known why until recently, but that's just how I liked living. But here's why: I think the spontaneous gives you that opportunity to show who you really can be. The springing up of something doesn't always have to be a good thing, and it usually isn't; but it gives you opportunity to be who you want to be, which in turn only strengthens you, whether the outcome is good or not. You just cannot be afraid to be that person, or you may not get that specific opportunity ever again, and kick yourself in the ass for a long time. People will end up respecting you for being that person you so desire to be, success or failure notwithstanding.

Trust is also something I'm really learning to appreciate, it's of a value more than any one person can fathom. The fact that people trust me to do so many things is something that really makes me feel like I am not a piece of crap. When an individual can trust you to not hurt them, and in fact keep them safe knowing that you hold that delicate scale, you feel amazing, if not sometimes frightened, by it; but you feel responsible with just that amount of trust. It's something that is devastating to break, and sometimes the thought alone of shattering that trust can make you feel ill. I sometimes cannot believe that I can do that, and it scares the shit out of me more often than not.

Which brings me to my next point, what gain can you get out of breaking someone's trust? Someone very close to me has had that trust betrayed twice, and it boggles my mind why someone would be so compelled to break trust and caring to a severe degree? Those pieces of trust have to be picked up, and sometimes those pieces are so small it's just so damned hard to put that frame back together. Is it really worth it for a brief personal gain to totally destroy someone's frame of mind of you in the long term? I say 'no' every time, but sadly everyone isn't me. It's a shitty truth that I hate exists.

I like how I've decided not to change who I am for anybody, and that I am who I am, and that's made my life all the better.


Tags: , ,
Current Location: Home
Current Music: End Titles (Album) - UNKLE

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Mon, Dec. 15th, 2008 08:04 pm

http://orangeloungeradio.com/phpnuke/modules.php?name=Forums&file=viewtopic&t=2122

Please participate. I might even give you a cookie! <3

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Sat, Dec. 13th, 2008 09:54 am
I really hate it when saying something you feel is right is still gonna piss a bunch of people off.

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Fri, Dec. 12th, 2008 06:30 am
Of other forthcoming projects, {Lavelle} revealed “I’m working on a film with Darren Aronofsky at the moment. It’s a collaboration between me and Clint Mansell who did the score, it’s to remix the score and do a whole new DVD package, the film is unbelievable. I’m working on a documentary about Abel Ferrara as well.”

I'll be in my bunk.

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Mon, Dec. 8th, 2008 06:37 pm
So I haven't slept since midnight.

That was the good part.

The rest of the day has gone as follows:

midnight to 5: try to sleep, fail, play video games
5 to 6:20: slept on and off (and I say this VERY LOOSELY), only to realize I had to be out the door in 10 minutes at 6:20 when I came to for the umpteenth time.
6:30ish: some fucker speeds by my bus stop at LEAST going 45 in a 30, hitting the side gutter thing and soaking my ass with disgusting muddy rainwater.
7:10: getting on the 242 to g to work, I slip while the driver is pulling forward, landing on my bad knee.
Work: Testing batteries all day, getting yelled at twice FOR INCREDIBLY RETARDED SHIT OH MY GOD I TOOK A DAY OFF BECUASE I WAS IN HORRIBLE PAIN SHUT THE FUCK UP WORK, and more people than normal being a jackass to me.

Traffic was shitty, and I got home about 10 minutes ago.

I'm about to lose my shit again.

This week needs to fucking turn around, and do it motherfucking fast.

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Sun, Dec. 7th, 2008 07:06 pm

Weekend was pretty fun for the most part.

Friday was rollicking with Dion, Nick, and Lisa. Lots of Mario Tennis and Baseball. We're some rusty mother fuckers, but we had a bunch of fun.

Saturday was getting wasted with work people at the company party, and then further getting wasted at Nicki's Late tThanksgiving party. I had an amazing talk with some friends about life and the small things. I crashed, bussed home this morning, went to sak meeting things, came home, did nothing, which kind of sucked.

I'm hoping some cool shit goes down this week. :D

frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt (yes, it still cracks me up)

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Thu, Dec. 4th, 2008 08:36 pm

No thanks to some GUYGUYGUY and her cute, yet failing attempts at emulating my stupid fart noise, I've been smiling a lot and have generally been enjoying this week, sans the awful awful back pain I've had since Tuesday. I didn't sleep at all the other night, and stayed home and slept most of the day.

Music has really come back to the forefront of me getting through the day and just life in general. I'm listening to a lot of Hybrid, UNKLE (as per usual), and a lot of old-school Femmes and REM. Good times.

Work still sucks, but I'm caring less and less that it does. This is making the time go by much faster, which is amazing. I've noticed time goes by so much quicker when you are in high spirits. I guess it makes those things you treasure in that quick time be much more highly valued, which almost always seems to be the case, especially the little stuff.

Time to go pass out. Woot!

Current Location: Living room
Current Music: You Are The Everything - REM

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Mon, Dec. 1st, 2008 05:41 am
Had a fantastic weekend. Lots of sushi, laughs, and people smiling :D

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving weekend. I know I did, now back to my regularly scheduled interactions with social retarded assholes....

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Sat, Nov. 29th, 2008 11:57 am

Saw Transporter 3 last night. As a fan of both Jason Statham and the series, I was pretty stoked, and went in expecting an action movie, and that's what I got. It's certainly not the best movie I've seen all year, but it was a fun movie, and I got to look at this for most of the movie:



Yeah, I know dgenerator is likely in his bunk right now after seeing this picture.

I'm not gonna go see it again, unless I have a reason to kidnap someone, but a solid 7/10. I was pleased with what I paid for.


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